Let me start this off by saying I’m not a relationship advisor or am I qualified to talk to you about relationships. By the way, I think I’m the last person you should take relationship advice from. However, you can definitely read this post and leave your honest feedback.
I’ve been thinking about writing this post for the longest time but I was really “iffy” about it. In order for me to write how I truly feel and for you to understand the point, I have to share what I want in a relationship. First, let me ask you this question. Do you think the little things in a relationship can make a big difference?
I recently saw this post on Twitter and I had to retweet it. I think most young people love the idea of a committed relationship but they are scared, especially in this day and age with social media. I cannot speak for all young people but I can definitely speak for myself. I am scared as fuck! Why? I am too old for disappointments and embarrassment in a relationship. The thought of “you’re never too old for anything” is currently swinging in your mind but when you have had enough of men who lie, cheats, don’t consider your feelings enough, immature or don’t know how to express themselves, you will understand. Another thought is swinging, right? “You are choosing the wrong set of men”. No baby, I think the wrong set are finding me.
A week ago, I sent my best friend an eight paragraph message expressing how I really feel about a relationship at this age. I wanted to know what relationship conversations should be like in my 20s and what exactly is the purpose of a partner when they are obviously not serving a purpose to you. We had a long conversation about it but I still don’t think I found the correct answer.
Relationships should be fun. You should look at the person you are with and thank God every day that they are in your life. I understand that it will not be perfect but the men I have met, I do not think God sent them my way. I think God loves me too much; unless I am being punished for the “I love you too” messages that I’ve sent in the past. This is reality but is something wrong if I want to go on cute dates with my partner? Nothing fancy or “boujie” as we describe most things now. My idea of cute dates doesn’t mean expensive. I’ll do home movies, supermarket runs together, cooking dinner together, a picnic, mid-week drinks or some random adventures. I am an adventure junkie so that would be perfect. I think it is important to never stop dating the person you are with. But why is it so hard for me to have all of that? Is it because I can do all of this myself, without a man?
In the past, I have denied dinner dates with my partner to stay at home and watch movies together. Honestly, I was just scared of embarrassment. By this, I mean, we going out together and someone else claiming him. It is not that I didn’t trust him but I believed that most men are the same (yes! I am completely wrong and insecure at times) but I’m just TRAUMATIZED from previous experiences that happened years ago. I think men these days are not worth me dressing up in lingerie, buying them gifts or planning surprise dates. Of course, I want to do it all but where do I sign up for the man of my dreams? Where do I find the man that wants the same thing as I do? Where do I find the one that will have me “head over heel” without a headache? It is definitely not on a dating site. I have tried those too.
In a relationship, I want to cater to my person, not OUR person. I want to be their friend first and their partner in crime later. I want to go on cute random dates. I want to get them gifts – I have so many ideas for my boyfriend on my Pinterest board (I’m hollering) and I want to do surprises even though I told my past men I hated it, lmao. I want to send cute messages to remind him how much I love and care for him. Is random video calls with me looking crazy in my towel weird? ‘Cause I want that too. I’m ready to send videos of my butt getting big because I’m working out, hello! I want him to know that even though I’m crazy, miserable and argue about him leaving his things in the wrong places, he is still my person. I want to pray together, build together and live together – that US against the world vibe. WAIT! Let me wake up!
I want us to remember that the little things do make a big difference in relationships. Before you leave a comment, if you want to, just send your partner a message to say, “Thank you for being on this life journey with me. I appreciated you more than you know.” If you are single, your time is coming. Don’t rush it.