It has been exactly four months since I lost my mother and it has been the hardest four months of my life. I feel like everything is going downhill and the fact that she is not here bothers me every single day. I know it “okay” to cry because I do most days, but that’s not helping.
I miss talking to her on the phone so much, it hurts. I always wanted to be on the phone with her even if we were just there and not speaking at all. When it got too quiet, I would ask “mommy weh ya do … that’s why me nuh like call yu eno” but there I was calling back minutes to hours later. Our conversations vary; we spoke about school, work, travelling the world or her winning the lotto one day. If you’ve met her or spoken to her, you know the kind of person she was.
If I was hungry and there was food in my house and I didn’t want to cook, best believe I was calling her to complain about being an adult. I miss our video calls where I had to show her my outfits and ask her if they could go together because to her, I have no sense of fashion.
I am a firm believer of “God giving his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers”. I know I am a strong person because there is so much that I went through but I still came out on top. I know I won’t get through this pain today, tomorrow or next week but I trust God. We all have days where we feel like we can’t survive but I will survive.
Oftentimes dreams are shattered, friendships may fall apart, loved ones may hurt us, finances may worry us, sickness may overtake us, we may even lose people we love but God will always be there to guide us through even the toughest of times. Sometimes we think we are being buried when we really are being planted.
Just a small reminder before I go, it’s okay to break down even after you thought you had it under control. There is no timeline on healing but you will get past this.