Relationships

Do you deserve forgiveness?

Do you remember “if we ever stop being friends, I’d have to kill you because you know too much about me?” It’s not serious but it’s something we would say to show that we won’t ever stop being friends. Are we friends now?

For many years, I walked around with a heartbreak. I thought every man that entered my life had bad intentions for me. I never grew up in a home with a father figure because I lost him before I knew myself and my household was mainly women. Of Course I have uncles and cousins but that didn’t stop me from getting a heartbreak. 

I had days where I felt like I wasted 4 years of my life but then there were other days where I thank God for the lessons I learnt. Why dwell on four years when there are many years ahead of you, right? Hello, it is not like that. We’ve known each other all our lives so you can understand why I would constantly think about those four years. We were friends before our relationship and so, I thought we understood each other. 

“I was young and naive but now I’m grown” is your favourite phrase to use but what if I was still stupid? Maybe I’d still be in that position being cheated on and lied to for absolutely no reason. I am not saying I was the perfect girlfriend because I can be a task sometimes and if you know me, you know this. However, I am convinced those Disney movies did something to my brain because where did I get those fairy tale beliefs from? Growing up together, going to college together, travelling the world and getting right with God, with you? Baby girl, fairy tales do exist but not for you and that relationship. 

I forgive you but do you deserve it? Of course you do. After many years, I finally decided that I don’t want to walk around with this hurt or this feeling so I began to pray. I prayed that God would heal my heart and teach me how to forgive you. I wanted to get rid of the bitterness I felt towards you whenever your name popped up on my phone screen. I wanted to believe that it would get better in time so I prayed for that. 

Today, I can proudly say I forgive you. I forgive you for all that you’ve done and I finally realized that this was a part of the greater plans in my life. It took many years to get over this but I’m happy I did. I understand that I can’t go back and change the beginning, but I can start where I am and change the ending.

I am a Queen. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am smart. I am loved. I am worthy of all good things. I know my purpose. Most importantly, I am not raising nobody’s son and no more man can’t take me for a fool!

God bless!

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